Alexandria, Virginia, February 14, 2008 -- Republican presidential candidate John McCain said tonight he appreciated Mitt Romney's endorsement of his candidacy, announced just hours ago, but that it would undermine virtually every aspect of his “straight talk express” if the 72-year-old senator were to accept the accolade.

Brush Canyon, Nevada, June 22, 2011 -- Reproductive scientists at the Bohnin Fertility Laboratory in Brush Canyon, Nevada, report that that an experiment into improving fertility through the ionic polarization of zygotes has resulted in some unintended side effects. Specifically, children conceived through the controversial polarization process display powerful, and seemingly permanent, magnetic qualities.

Magnetic sperm

John F. Kennedy Space Center, Florida, October 12, 2006 -- Facing what may be the worst fiscal shortfall in the space agency's history, a spokesman for NASA today announced a plan to resort to the extreme cost-saving measure of acquiring most future spacecraft from budget retailer Wal-Mart. An initial consignment of six "Econo-Capsules" purchased by NASA via the Wal-Mart e-commerce website at a cost of $29.95 each (plus shipping and handling), is slated for delivery this December.

Wal-Mart Econo-Capsule

Churchill Downs, May 8, 2009 -- Afterburner, the three-year-old thoroughbred who shattered course records yesterday to win the 135th Kentucky Derby, has been disqualified on a technicality, thereby forfeiting his title and the $1.5 million winner's purse. Race officials cite Afterburner's groundbreaking posterior propulsion technique as the reason for the disqualification. Porter Gickle, Afterburner's owner, says he will appeal the decision.