Paris Hilton Restoration Completed
Paris, July 12, 2010 -- After many years of neglect and ill use the Paris Hilton is now back in the spotlight once again. The Paris Hilton's management team hopes that the new look and internal enhancements that have been made over the last year will make her something that people will dream about spending the night in once again.
Jacques Baudrillard, the project manager responsible for the Paris Hilton's makeover, said, "We feel confident that that once people see this new Paris Hilton they will say, 'Paris Hilton, now I could have a good time in that,' and then come and stay the night."
Ron Paul for President Campaign Hires Top Internet Spammer
Washington, D.C., September 12, 2007 -- The Ron Paul for President campaign announced today it had hired Roy R. Schecter, a widely vilified international purveyor of spam email, to bolster its seemingly unstoppable grass-roots Internet campaign. A spokesman for Ron Paul said Schecter, 26, will take charge of coordinating the campaign's innovative Internet marketing efforts.
Pledging "Fresh, Clean Start", Disney Clones Britney
Burbank, CA, July 19, 2008 -- A spokesman for The Walt Disney Company, creator of erratic pop diva Britney Spears, said the company has decided to "cut its losses" and genetically engineer a new, improved Britney Spears using cutting-edge cloning technology.
Britney Spears (version I)
Bush Backs Investment Banker Bonus Bailout In Wake of Subprime Crisis
New York, December 7, 2007 -- President George W. Bush called today for Congress to address a "growing crisis in investment banker bonuses" in the wake of the subprime mortgage disaster.
President Bush speaking at AAWP annual Christmas dinner
Dark Matter Mostly Socks, Keys, Ballpoints
Cambridge, August 12, 2024 -- A critical goal that has eluded astrophysicists for decades has at last been made possible: the discovery of the nature and composition of "dark matter" as well as a hint as to the function of "dark energy", two previously unidentifiable and unobservable substances that together comprise nearly 95% of all matter in the universe.
Dark Matter (detail)
Bush Declares "Mission Accomplished" in 2006 House, Senate Midterm Elections
San Diego, November 9, 2006 -- Following the resounding defeat of Republican candidates in the 2006 midterm elections, President Bush hailed his party's victory during an epic speech this morning.
President Bush congratulates GOP candidates on victory following their defeat in the 2006 elections
NASA Launches First-Ever Faith-Based Space Program
Washington, D.C., April 19, 2010 -- NASA, the United States' National Aeronautics and Space Administration, announced today the launch of the first-ever faith-based space program. The project, working-titled "In God We Thrust", will develop and launch a range of orbital, lunar, and interplanetary space vehicles using entirely faith-based methods of engineering, aeronautics, electronics and astrophysics.
First faith-based NASA moon mission (artist's conception)
Pam Anderson Out-Pumps Arnold Schwarzenegger in California Governor Race
Sacramento, November 7, 2006 -- Pamela Anderson, the popular former Baywatch star, swimwear model, sex symbol and internet vacation video sensation, has trumped former body-builder and action movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger in the hotly contested race for governor of California.
Governor-elect Pamela Anderson
Bush Announces Immediate Withdrawal of U.S. Troops From Iraq
Washington, D.C., November 29, 2023 -- President Jeb Bush today announced plans to immediately withdraw all U.S. troops from Iraq. The announcement will affect all 465,000 troops currently stationed throughout Iraqi territory, as well as the 194,800 troops fighting in the joint Iran-Iraq controlled friendship zone along the eastern Iraqi border and 86,000 in semi-autonomous Kurdistan. White House Press Secretary Jenna Bush said the troop withdrawal should be complete within five to seven weeks, "give or take a few years".
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