iPlant Upgrades to 2 Terabytes With WhiteTooth
Dallas, TX, August 11, 2011 -- Applesoft Corporation announced yesterday at BodyTech 2011 that it will be upgrading its popular iPlant multimedia product with an additional terabyte of storage, doubling its capacity to two terabytes. Customers will now have enough capacity to internally view over 22,000 hours of high-quality full-motion films, or listen to over 11 years worth of recorded music, all from the privacy of their own mouths and without requiring additional external connectivity.
"It's the next logical step," said Brutus McClowsky, Vice President for Product Development of Applesoft. "Our users like to know that, even if they're marooned on an island for a decade or two, or stuck in some cabin like that Thoreau nutcase, they'll have no shortage of media to keep them entertained. Current users of the 1 terabyte iPlant can upgrade at no charge, beyond that of the surgical procedure."
iPlant has achieved remarkable sales growth since the unit's introduction in mid-2010, surpassing 32 million sales in the first six months of this year. While the unit was initially greeted with some skepticism by body-privacy advocates, it now has achieved widespread acceptance among the public, particularly among young adults.
"We weren't sure whether American buyers were ready for a full-featured, web-connected multimedia product that could be implanted directly in the root canal, but the numbers don't lie," said McClowsky. "Once we work out some compatibility issues, we'll be branching out in Europe, South America, and Asia. Africa still doesn't have the infrastructure needed for wide-scale deployment."
The iPlant, the popular miniaturized technological marvel that, when coupled with WhiteTooth technology, allows for high-speed data transmission directly through the body's own nervous system to the audiovisual receptors of the brain, has been doubling in capacity and falling in price at a virtually exponential rate since its introduction. Further, the abundance of iPlant Centers now makes it possible to purchase and install the device at virtually any major shopping mall or superstore in America.
"It's an incredibly quick process, and no longer needs the services of a licensed dentist. Our Applesoft development centers can train a fully qualified iPlant installer in only five weeks. This capacity is the foundation of our remarkable growth rate."
Installation of the iPlant requires that a tooth -- usually a molar, but the choice is at the purchaser's discretion -- be temporarily removed. The device, a nanochip construction weighing less than a gram and measuring only 0.2 by 0.1 millimeters, is inserted into the root canal and connected to the nerve endings, at which point the tooth is replaced into the gum. The procedure takes about 20 minutes, most of which time is required to ensure the activation of local anesthetic.
Communication via the nervous system is two-way, meaning the iPlant can be controlled by the same mechanism a individual would use to control his or her hands or facial muscles. The unit is powered by the body's own internal electrical system, and thus never needs to be charged. Audio and visual information is patched directly to the optical or aural nerves, and are perceived by the body as deriving from external sources. Wide-area internet and VoIP connectivity is virtually universal due to the proclivity of hotspots, in the absence of which users can connect via local networks thanks to the iPlants compatibility with virtually all local area wireless standards.
"It takes about a week to become fluent with the iPlant's menu system. It's really like you're getting an extra set of hands -- it would take you a little while to learn how to wiggle the fingers. But the virtual on-screen display, which simulates the effect of appearing on the inner surface of your eyeballs, has met with excellent feedback. Furthermore, upgrades are non-surgical. We simply flash the new OpSys or GUI via a nerve center at the base of the jaw. That's almost instantaneous."
In a related story, a class action lawsuit has been filed against Applesoft fingering malfunctioning iPlant units for over 12,000 new cases of debilitating late-onset schizophrenia. Mr. McClowsky declined to comment on the pending legal proceedings.
By Ion Zwitter, Avant News Editor
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