Flint, Michigan, July 29, 2007 -- General Motors, the automotive behemoth that has been teetering precariously on the verge of bankruptcy for several years, will be taking the unusual step of diversifying its operations by launching an internet casino business in an effort to create a new cash cow that can be milked to keep its core operations alive.

According to Randy Mooman, spokesman for GM, the new casino is projected to provide sufficient revenue to keep GM afloat while it retools with new, more competitive automotive product lines.

Oslo, Norway October 10, 2011 -- The Norwegian Nobel Committee shocked the world yesterday when it announced that the controversial Wingding Institute had won the 2011 Nobel Peace Prize beating out such favorites as the United Nations, World Bank and the International Institute for Democracy and Electoral Assistance (IDEA).

Washington, D.C., December 22, 2005 -- Independent investigative journalists at Avant News have determined that the Pentagon's Iraq Propaganda Program, which was heralded for the first time in a Los Angeles Times report in late November, has been a truly stunning success of the same caliber as the many other remarkable achievements enjoyed by the Bush administration and its exemplary war planners.

The Iraqi and American people continue to express their most fervent support for the propaganda program and its peerless progenitor, the Iraq war of liberation.

Macon, Georgia, October 11, 2014 -- Scientists at the respected St. Ambrose Poultry Institute of Macon, Georgia have at last dispelled the widely held misperception that virtually every moderately unusual food tastes like chicken by proving that, in point of fact, nothing does.

"We've proven that, contrary to popular belief, it's actually a scientific impossibility for any known commonly consumed dietary substance to resemble the flavor of chicken," said Skinwood Neckle, Research Director at the Institute's Comparative Flavor Analysis section.