Washington, D.C., March 16, 2007 -- The Iraqi Adopt-a-Highway Program, launched with considerable fanfare and high expectations last October, has thus far proved to be a "disappointment", according to a high-level U.S. Defense Department source who asked to remain anonymous. According to the source, subscriptions to the program have reached less than two percent of initial projections, with current trends indicating modest to virtually non-existent growth.

Iraqi Adopt-a-Highway Sign

Washington, D.C., August 9, 2006 -- Vice President Dick Cheney has been awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by President Bush, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan announced today. Cheney thereby joins the ranks of other top-level officials whom Bush has honored with the prestigious award, including former Iraq CPA head L. Paul Bremer, General Tommy Franks, and former CIA director George Tenet. Vice President Cheney issued no public response to the honor and has been unavailable for comment.

Ecofrex, Moltopribate, Jebruarius 36, 2498 -- Salutoriations and benevoloriums. Earth has declared war on neighboring planet Venus, our sister sphere betwixt this, our planet, and that, our sun.

Venus, our sister sphere betwixt this, our planet, and that, our sun

Burbank, CA, July 19, 2008 -- A spokesman for The Walt Disney Company, creator of erratic pop diva Britney Spears, said the company has decided to "cut its losses" and genetically engineer a new, improved Britney Spears using cutting-edge cloning technology.

Britney Spears (version I)