Macon, Georgia, October 11, 2014 -- Scientists at the respected St. Ambrose Poultry Institute of Macon, Georgia have at last dispelled the widely held misperception that virtually every moderately unusual food tastes like chicken by proving that, in point of fact, nothing does.

"We've proven that, contrary to popular belief, it's actually a scientific impossibility for any known commonly consumed dietary substance to resemble the flavor of chicken," said Skinwood Neckle, Research Director at the Institute's Comparative Flavor Analysis section.

Dubai, United Arab Emirates, February 9, 2010 -- God's spokesperson, Ermil Higgibilly, announced today that once again the rapture would be delayed. This latest calamity to befall God is expected to move back the time of the pretribulation rapture anywhere from a week to a month due to some 'technical issues' with God's website.Palm Jumeirah: God's home/headquarters is located on the fifth branch up on the left, fourth frond over

Boston, August 22, 2006 -- Douglas Shale, a certified public accountant from Newton, Massachusetts, recently created an uproar among Marriage Protection Amendment proponents by filing for divorce from Sheila, his wife of nearly 14 months. Spokesmen for numerous conservative and right-wing religious groups denounced Shale's action as "shameful", and vowed to seek legislation to legally block any such future recourse.

Davis, CA, July 22, 2010 -- Researchers at California's UC Davis announced today the successful completion of a three-year, highly secretive project to map God's genetic code. Originally commissioned by filmmaker James Cameron, who supplied the research team with holy genetic material on which to perform the study, the results of the God Genome project are expected to profoundly influence human conceptions of divinity and origin.

Sheep: 3.1% closer to God