Mexican Peace Wall to Stem Rising Tide of U.S. Illegals

Mexico City, August 27, 2039 -- "Good fences make good neighbors," intoned Mexican President Jorge Monclova as he dug the first ceremonial spadeful of sand to mark the commencement of the construction of Mexico's new, massive border tightening effort, dubbed the Peace Wall. The immense barrier, a sixty-foot high structure that will stretch the entire 1,920 mile length of Mexico's border with the United States, is designed to curb a rising groundswell of illegal immigration from the country's less affluent northern neighbor.

"Your American poet Robert Frost, showing admirable wisdom and foresight, wrote those words over one hundred years ago," continued President Monclova. "Now we are proving them to be true, with the construction of our glorious Peace Wall that will allow our two great countries to coexist in continued peace and harmony."

The ceremony was attended by high-level dignitaries from both countries, including the Mexican president's entire cabinet, the majority of representatives of both houses of Mexico's Congreso de la Union, and the United States Deputy Assistant Chargé d'Affaires for the Chiapas Region (with companion). Following the groundbreaking, full-scale construction will begin simultaneously at thirty locations along the length of the border, making this the fourth-largest construction project in Mexico's history. The wall, scheduled for completion in 2043, will be rivaled in extent only by the 4,500 mile Great Wall of China.

Over the past three decades Mexico has been struggling with an increasing flow of illegal American immigrants, known pejoratively as "Dry-Mops", who have been flooding Mexico's borders seeking manufacturing and high-tech jobs, a haven from crime and political persecution, and the safety net of Mexico's exemplary universal health care and social security systems.

"It's not really surprising that they're taking this step," said Dr. William Frith, Professor of Macroeconomics at Northwestern University. "Ever since NAFTA was signed in 1992, the trend has been a steady flow southwards for virtually every major sector, including manufacturing, heavy industry, agriculture, tech, financial services and long-distance operations like call centers and aromatherapy. Our latest employment survey here in the U.S. found 87% of American workers stuck in dead-end low-market jobs such as the fast food industry or Wal Mart sales. Our domestic skill set has evaporated, and for those few who have somehow managed to acquire higher-level marketable skills, there are simply no jobs available."

According to the Va a Casa Usted Yankee Gordo Perezoso Inexperto, Mexico's statistical bureau for tracking immigration trends from the north, the country has been absorbing between two and five million new illegal Americans per year for the past ten years.

"We love our friends from the north, but our social system simply can't handle the volume," said Francisco Cardeñas, Mexico's Immigration and Naturalization Minister. "They come here on foot, whole families, sometimes with no money, don't speak the language, no real education. Then they want jobs, voting rights, driver's licenses, social welfare. Immigration is of course important for Mexico, especially to help fill the unskilled or unwanted job sectors in our economy, but we have to control it. The Peace Wall will help us do that."

The Peace Wall, a modern structure designed by renowned architect Ricardo Legorreta Jr., will be built as a sweeping, brushed steel and concrete form that is intended to inspire and delight the eye when viewed from the south. The northern face, on the other hand, will be covered in used brown linoleum recycled from a defunct chain of roadside motels.

"Well, it's not meant to attract, you know," said Legoretta. "But from our side, we want it to look nice. It's a big wall. And that linoleum should be nice and slippery."

The United States government could not be reached for comment on the development.

By Ion Zwitter, Avant News Editor

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