Washington, D.C., March 12, 2009 -- President Dick Cheney announced this morning a sweeping new Grand Canyon Oil Exploration Initiative during a speech in the White House Rose Garden. The plan calls for the full-scale industrial exploitation of Grand Canyon National Park, which is believed by President Cheney to contain "significant, or at least a few, oil reserves".

Following is the official White House transcript of the President's speech:

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Dearborn, Michigan, August 29, 2009 -- A spokesman for Ford Motor Company announced today the preemptive recall of all 6.1 million model year 2011 cars expected to be produced under the company's flagship Ford brand next year.

The recall, which will affect all new Ford automobiles immediately upon leaving the assembly line, is intended to address "serious production, concept, engineering and safety flaws that we expect to come to light in the recent future", according to the spokesman.

Bolton, Wyoming, March 29, 2007 -- A new threat affecting Microsoft Windows Vista, the widely anticipated operating system already plagued by major bug issues and release delays, may seriously limit industry rollout, security analysts said today.

Closeup of the Vista Dysentery.Net-Worm virus

Baghdad, July 23, 2030 -- The ongoing trial of Saddam Hussein is set to resume Tuesday, July 26, 2030, barring new complications that may further delay the arduous and lengthy process. The once-vaunted trial of the widely-hated deposed dictator has been plagued with a variety of difficulties since its inception and over virtually the full 25 years that have elapsed since Saddam Hussein first took the stand.