Turns Out God Doesn't Particularly Care About Humans
Munich, November 2, 2019 -- The re-examination of a previously explored RNA genome code found on a rhinovirus, one of the class of viruses that cause the common cold, has revealed the surprising discovery that God is apparently not particularly interested in human beings at all, despite widespread belief to the contrary.
Human rhinovirus containing coded messages from God
America's 400 Richest Join Forces to Eradicate Poverty, Hunger
New York, November 22, 2005 -- In a stunning development that will improve and save the lives of billions, and perhaps even change the course of history, the 400 wealthiest people in the United States have signed an agreement to each contribute half their assets to a newly formed global fund to fight poverty, hunger and disease.
Former President George W. Bush Credited With Saddam Hussein Acquittal
Baghdad, Iraq, April 22, 2010 -- Yesterday's surprising acquittal of deposed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein on all counts has been linked to policies and procedures developed and used by former president George W. Bush, Lionel Thrush, a legal analyst with the Legal Analysis Institute for Legal Analysis, said today.
Deposed dictator Saddam Hussein thanking former president George W. Bush for inadvertently orchestrating his acquittal
The Hottest Trend in Fashion: Celebrity Organs
Los Angeles, CA, June 24, 2006 -- What do Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, Angelina Jolie, Janet Jackson, Danica Patrick, Carrie Underwood, Anna Kournikova, Indy 500 star Michael Andretti, Bo Bice, Miss Universe and Kelly Ripa have in common? They've all signed on with designer Juliano Monteverde to launch a new line of Celebrity Signature Organs. For the first time ever, lucky dialysis patients will have the chance to sport a kidney signed by Kournikova, or a transplanted retina endorsed by Underwood. But the cost of celebrity organ fashion is steep, and the process not for the faint of heart.
Evidence of a Second, Bigger Bang Discovered
Berkeley, California, February 19, 2009 -- The widely accepted theory regarding the creation of the universe via a single, momentous explosion, the "Big Bang", has been effectively turned on its head. Scientists report new evidence has come to light of a second, more dramatic explosion, that is theorized to have occurred a few nanoseconds after the first one.
McDonald's To Open First Lunar Franchise
Sea of Tranquility, March 22, 2015 -- McDonald's, the ubiquitous globe-girdling fast food purveyor, announced today it will be expanding its operations beyond the confines of the earth's atmosphere with the launch of the first lunar franchise. The move marks not only the very first non-terrestrial McDonald's retail dining establishment, but the first non-terrestrial commercial franchise of any kind whatsoever.
The McDonald's McMoon: Full McDonald's McMoon, viewed from rural Pork Knuckle, Idaho
Most Studies Find Nothing, Study Finds
Macon, Georgia, August 22, 2077 -- The most comprehensive study of studies ever attempted has conclusively determined that few, if any, studies ever actually determine anything. At least not conclusively.
Microsoft Launches MS-Word Ultimate® With Poetry Checker
Redmond, WA, November 2, 2006 -- Microsoft Products announced today that MS-Word Ultimate®, available Spring 2007 and currently in the beta testing process, will include a Poetry Checker among its new features. While the product performs its designated functions flawlessly, it has nonetheless met with somewhat mixed reviews.
Taliban Strengthen Grip on People's Republic of South Dakota
South Dakota-Nebraska Border Region, July 19, 2011 -- According to a classified report leaked by the Department of Homeland Insecurity, elements of the radical fundamentalist Taliban are reported to have gained significant ground in the rocky and windswept hillsides of the breakaway Democratic People's Republic of South Dakota.
Breakaway Democratic People's Republic of South Dakota
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