Newt Gingrich Announces Candidacy for Republican Presidential Nomination
Atlanta, Georgia, March 22, 2007 -- Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, whose career was thought by virtually all observers to have evaporated in a hail of spittle in 1998, announced today that he will be seeking the Republican nomination for president in 2008. The former Speaker had hinted as early as the autumn of 2005 that he "could be cajoled to run, if the voice were soft and silky enough", but only with today's announcement does Mr. Gingrich's candidacy become official.
Best and Worst Children's Christmas Toys – 2006
Avant News Special Report
Coshocton, OH November 28, 2006 -- We at Avant News are pleased to announce our list of what our experts deem to be the 10 best and 10 worst Christmas gifts for 2006. As usually occurs, the toy industry tends to mirror social trends and this year was no exception.
Microsoft Launches MS-Word Ultimate® With Poetry Checker
Redmond, WA, November 2, 2006 -- Microsoft Products announced today that MS-Word Ultimate®, available Spring 2007 and currently in the beta testing process, will include a Poetry Checker among its new features. While the product performs its designated functions flawlessly, it has nonetheless met with somewhat mixed reviews.
South Carolina Pumpkin Farmer Grows World's Smallest Pumpkin
Hephzibah, South Carolina, October 30, 2007 -- A Hephzibah, South Carolina pumpkin farmer wins this year's annual "World's Smallest Pumpkin" contest with a record-small 0.23 inch (0.5842 cm) diameter, perfectly formed miniature example of the popular pulpy orange Halloween seasonal fruit.
Ozzie Crenshaw's World's Smallest Pumpkin
The farmer, Ozzie Crenshaw, said he was "real excited" to have captured the grand prize at this year's prestigious event.
Nostalgic Bush Says FY09 Budget "Last Chance to Shaft the Poor"
Washington, D.C., February 12, 2008 -- An unusually somber and introspective President George W. Bush, presenting the details of his $3.1 trillion fiscal year 2009 budget proposal for members of the American Plutocrats Union, a conservative group, lamented that the budget proposal represents his “last chance to shaft the poor.” He urged the assembled audience to do “everything in their powers” to convince their elected representatives that the budget proposal represented an historic opportunity that may not return for a decade or more.
Auditions Begin Today For Bush's Experimental New "Reality Cabinet"
Washington, D.C., February 2, 2007 -- Following the indictment and/or resignation in 2005 and 2006 of virtually the entire West Wing of the White House, President George W. Bush will be trying a new, experimental approach to governing for the remainder of his term with a so-called "reality cabinet" modeled on the popular format used by roughly 33,502 different, if hauntingly similar, television programs.
Alabama Savant Invents Transistor, Cell Phone, Telegraph
Carbon Hill, Alabama, October 3, 2010 -- His name is Artemus K. Yooley, but most folks around here know him as DiCaprio, or sometimes just plain Leonardo. Most folks around here were probably thinking of DaVinci when they called him that, but no matter.
Artemus K. Yooley
No Stem Cell Treatment Pledge Signers In Right to Die Dilemma
Washington, D.C., June 29, 2007 -- Several of the small group of stem cell research opponents who signed the controversial "No Stem Cell Treatment Pledge" last fall are now embroiled in a legal dilemma since contracting various terminal diseases, all of which can be easily cured using medical procedures developed through embryonic stem cell research.
New Year's Resolutions Not Often Followed, Study Finds
New York, December 31, 2014 -- A major study recently completed by the Human Quirk Index, a multinational think-tank dedicated to tracking aberrant human behavior, has determined that many, if not most, New Year's resolutions are never fully followed. The study may have profound implications on the widely observed cultural phenomenon which leading HQI scientists, based on the results of the study, have dismissed as "kind of pointless, really".
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