This Year's Best-Selling Most Popular Number One Halloween Costume

Malibu, October 31, 2037 -- The best-selling, most popular, top Halloween costume for this year is, for the eighth consecutive year, once again the mesmerizing, terrifying "Unenhanced Human" outfit. The complex Halloween costume, which mimics the appearance of a human being without any artificial improvements and can take up to two hours to put on, has been sold over 2.3 million times this year, a new record.

"It's an amazingly popular costume," Bukki Trumblip, lead purchaser for Krazi-Kostumes, a leading national Halloween and party costume purveyor with over 230 outlets and 1,900 costume varieties, said. "Even though it's a lot more complex than a simple mask and cloak, people don't seem to mind all the extra work since the result is so spectacularly ghoulish."

The Unenhanced Human Halloween costumes, which come in standard male and female configurations with optional accessories, transform the wearer into freakishly accurate representations of what a human being would look like without benefit of any plastic surgery, injections, implants, or other treatments that make Americans such sleek and wrinkle-free examples of physical perfection.

"This year's edition includes, for the first time, an ear-depinning kit," Mr. Trumblip said. "It's actually a little painful, but the result is breathtaking.

Other features included in the popular Halloween costumes are glue-on forehead wrinkles and laugh-lines, chin, nose and cheekbone asymmetricalizers, jowl inflators, neck wrinklers, breast and pectoral saggers, a stomach expander, press-on moles, boils, and blemishes, thigh wraps, buttock flabbilizers, ego deflators, male pattern baldness inducers, anti-Viagra pills, and amazingly lifelike toe and upper-lip hair that is sprayed on using new nano-technologies.

"With this costume, a trick-or-treater or Halloween party-goer can terrify householders and guests by showing just what a human being might look like without Botox injections, plastic surgery, breast and pec implants, liposuction, hair-removing chemicals, and all the rest of those routine tweaks every American has come to know, love and depend on to look and feel their best," Mr. Trumblip said.

According to the manufacturer, Reel Freeky Peeple, Inc., of Hackensack, New Jersey, the Unenhanced Human Halloween costume is so life-like that people with moderate to severe self-esteem issues, which includes virtually everyone, should "put the costume on gradually and check a mirror frequently to prevent a potentially fatal shock when viewing the full unenhanced transformation."

"Seeing what you might have looked like without a leg-up from modern science," Mr. Trumblip said, "can be heart-stopping. Take it one step at a time, go slow, then go on out and frighten the living daylights out of everyone you meet."

By Ion Zwitter, Avant News Editor

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